So I’m here. Sitting by my usual corner, listening to the same old song on repeat, giving attention to the mixture of the same colors I see every damned day… every day. It’s just any other day.

The thing is, this song reminds me of somebody. This particular song that takes me some place else. This song that carries me away reminds me of somebody. Some boy, in particular. He would have loved this song, I thought.

But screw it.

I can’t even tell him. The chorus is almost over and the song’s about to hit its climax, and it’s all wonderful all over, and it makes me want to cry so badly, but the fuck is, I can’t even tell him. I can’t even tell him he’s on my mind still. I can’t even tell him that this song reminds me of him. This song is goddamn written for him! I can’t. There is no way I can!

Whew. Way to blow off some steam, you know.

But what bothers me is that we had something else. Something I can never explain. There are no words…

And this song has the words, the melodies, has the lines in between, and is still not helping because I can’t even tell him! This song has everything I wanted to say. I was not magnificent.

How did I let this happen? How did it get so complicated from here? From… there? How did everything change? Everything is so different and so completely out of sorts and so unpredictable. So, how did I let this be? Why did I leave things like this? How could I? Why won’t life be so simple? Why did I not let it be simple? Is it because of my pride? My dictation of what I can and cannot do without a good basis such as… perhaps an experience? Why did I only realize this now?

Is it too late?